We are all individual when we are children some know that they are gay while others it is not realised until they are 13 to 15 years old, when they go through puberty when bodies change from child to an adult.
Our bodies and mind gives us little clues to our future sexual orientation. We may not be aware of these. They can included fasination with looking at mail order catalogues of opposite sex models underwear or swimwear.
Having gay feelings when you are a child is normal and is really based on learning to keep these feelings secret or private.
We cope with gay feelings quite young even before we realise what they are. Our defence mechanism clicks in quite early. Anti gay environment messages from TV newspapers and family members and school playground, soon filters through to children. Heavily promoted heterosexual values remind us of our homosexual position. Talking about hetro marriage becomes so romote and unlikely.
We soon realise that we cannot express everything that is on our mind. It’s a shame that children are not exposed to more positive learning than the gay word is used to be insulting or as a swear word. We teach children to lie about their gay feelings and hopefully in education that gay people are given more positive role models in the future.
We cope at present quite well, but unfortunately for some can be a horrific experience that can cause problems for life.
What advice can we give?
You are not alone there are gay people in our class room in every five children there will be one gay person. Our school may have hundreds of gay and bi students in larger schools. Our childhood will be mainly fighting against our feelings. We may find ourselves feeling very guilty that we are having gay feelings. Fighting against the gay subject is common until we realise that we are not getting any where by punishing ourselves. People who stop fighting against their sexual orientation begin to start accepting what they are than what they want to be. No body wants to be gay if there were a choice. The church teachings have tried to convince that we have learnt to be gay rather than recognise that we are gay not by choice.
Finally, children will play with their sexual orientation with their friends and often can be excused as play but children will find the subject very confusing unless they are not given a good sex and relationship education at school. How to cope is being able to work around the subject don’t try and do this alone. Talk or write down what you are feeling. Post your thoughts on the forums or make a blog to share with others, sharing with others helps ideally if they are not judgemental. Coming out to the family maybe the natural and easiest thing to do if you feel comfortable.
Try and reasure yourself that you are not the only one on the planet that have gay feelings. You may not respond to these feelings but you will soon discover that they donot go away. We may feel that we are thinking about our gay feelings constantly this is normal. Our instinct will not let it rest but if you are finding sleeping difficult then it maybe worth talking to someone about it. Sharing can put things back to normal. When you do get upset don’t bottle it in have a good cry. Online private diaries are ideal to off load what you are feeling, you can always go back and edit them or add to.
