I did not wake up one morning and discover I was different to everyone around me. From the outside I looked like everyone else but the more I learnt about myself, I realised that I was an alien living in a world that was scared of me because who I was and what I want to do.
Ever since I could remember I knew I was different in my school I was scared to use the public toilets at school. Never understood why I could not use the urinals maybe someone would discover who I was.
Every day and every minute I would be thinking about my hidden identity. It was only when I was working that I could be distracted from my mission of dreams and expectations. I was never taught to be an alien in fact I was made to feel very guilty to have feelings for the same sex. When I was 13 years old I made contact with I thought was another alien. I first disovered that my body was an extention of my penis and having a warm silky smooth skin rubbing against mine made my penis erect and shoot white fluid. He was not a true alien because he laughed at me and told me I was a queer. I thought that was rich coming from him after months playing with him he was doing the same things I was enjoying. It was my first taste of sex which only confirmed what I was. A gay alien ready and waiting to get my back passage filled. We never kissed or gave each other a blow job or even enter his back passage. We just rubbed our bodies against each other. He turned out not to be an alien but for me it was something I knew what I wanted.
What is an alien? -coming from a different country, race, or group; foreign
During the stages of coming to term with my sexual orientation I felt lost with no direction or guidance from anyone. The internet did not exist then but I did use a penpal service to try and meet others. It was a great opportunity to meet others not for sex but just to talk openly and listening to a real human.
Gay youth groups are opening all the time in major cities and if there was one near me I would have tried at least.
I struggled alone and looking back sure there were plenty of tears as I was not happy to be in this situation. I did not want to have these same sex feelings I wanted to belong with my friends and have the same feelingsthey had, I tryed courting a female for a couple of years but there is a limit how long you can fake your true feelings. Eventually I met someone who I formed a distant relationship which was in my mid twenties. The strain traveling each weekend soon burnt out the relationship and decided to move away from my small town where I could be independent and free.
Once you finally stop fighting against your trueself and accept your dreams can now become reality you stop doubting and questioning your feelings and ignore what others are thinking.
Coming out usually is when you are more confident with your sexuality this maybe with some close friends you trust.
Eventually feeling like an alien changes and you feel more at home with your sexuality. Missery is replaced with joy.
